


FML

by tirsynni



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:45:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tirsynni/pseuds/tirsynni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off a LFMF (learn from my fail) post. In this particular case, learn from Zack Fair's Fail. Cloud will offer assistance if you need help in the learning of it</p>
            </blockquote>





	FML

None of this would be nearly as humiliating if Cloud Strife wasn’t watching, sitting on her chocobo like she had been riding them all of her life, and munching on Zack Fair’s lunch.  
  
Zack flinched as another Soldier fell on the rocks. For all of his Soldier speed and skill, Jer failed to catch himself. Two Soldiers hurried to his side and helped him up. Zack watched in case there were actual injuries, but judging by Jer’s crimson face, his pride suffered the worst blow.  
  
No. This still would have been as humiliating.  
  
Glancing over at Cloud, Zack cringed when he saw her pop another bite of his lunch in her mouth. She tried to catch his eye, but he quickly looked away. Tom was trying now. Zack would try again after him.  
  
Again.  
  
Passed his Soldier exam on the first try, second youngest Soldier to reach the rank of 1st, defeated by a damned mountain.  
  
With beautiful, clever Cloud Strife as a witness.  
  
Two days ago, Sephiroth handed over the new assignment with disgust barely curling his lips. Only Zack and Cloud knew him well enough to spot it. A mission to the far end of the Nibel mountains to gather geological specimens for ShinRa’s scientists. Cloud was recruited as a guide despite her insistence that she didn’t know that area of Nibel, that she was from the other end. Zack just thought ShinRa was regulating her to the place of guide rather than the Soldier she dreamed.  
  
Zack glanced at Cloud again, looking back at the mountain before she could catch his eye. She had even cut her long, wild blond hair to fit in better with Soldier regulations.  
  
When she became Soldier, Zack planned on convincing her to grow her hair back out. The dress code tended to fade away with rank, after all.  
  
For now… “My turn,” Zack gritted out, stepping forward.  
  
“I could –” Cloud called behind him.  
  
Zack cut her off. “We got this, Cloud! Don’t worry!”  
  
This was no longer a matter of gathering geological specimens. This was no longer an assignment from ShinRa.  
  
This was now a matter of pride. Bruised, bruised pride.  
  
The Soldiers cleared the way with a reverence usually reserved for Sephiroth. Zack would have preened if it wasn’t for the knowledge the reverence was for the Cliffside and not him.  
  
Zack gamely ignored Cloud’s too-loud sigh behind him and what sounded suspiciously like the laughing of crickets and looked up. The prize: some damned shiny rocks that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Sephiroth’s table if the man ever decorated. Where? Sixty feet up what looked like an impossible cliff, filled with treacherous stones, poisonous plants, and eerie dark holes that Zack swore were looking back at him. Winnings? Restored manhood.  
  
Zack had this.  
  
Very deliberately, he cracked his knuckles. He shifted his head to the left, stretching his neck, and then to the right. He bounced on the balls of his feet, relieved by the ready give and push of his legs.  
  
He heard the what sounded suspiciously like a hand meeting a forehead. He manfully ignored it and reached for the first stone. Soldiers could manage sheer buildings by skill alone. How hard could this be?  
  
“At least you almost caught yourself?” Cloud offered a minute later, hand extended. Zack bit the inside of his cheek to conceal a whimper and reached out for her hand. Cloud pulled him up like he didn’t weigh almost a hundred pounds more than her. He would have been impressed if his pride wasn’t a mangled mess on the ground below him.  
  
“Maybe they did this on purpose, sir?” Jer offered. He limped up behind Cloud. Now that Zack was looking at him, he could see a bruise forming. It would be gone by the time they finished here, but the fact that the mountain scored any marks against a Soldier stung. “To keep us out of the way or to get Soldier in trouble?”  
  
Zack clenched his jaw. “That’s possible.” The other Soldiers lined up behind Jer, nodding solemnly. All of them sported at least one mark, all wins for the mountain. “We might need to contact the General, find out what he thinks about it.”  
  
With a new target in mind, the men began tossing out theories. Were the Turks on the move? Was there a feud building up again between the various departments? Maybe they wanted Sephiroth’s second-in-command out of the way for a reason?  
  
The last one chilled Zack to the bone. No one in ShinRa looked out for Sephiroth like he and Cloud did. No one realized about Cloud, but they had conveniently removed her, nonetheless.  
  
Zack had left Sephiroth defenseless.  
  
He opened his mouth to yell for everyone to return to their chocobos when Cloud cleared her throat. “Um, would you like these?”  
  
Even the crickets fell silent as Zack looked at Cloud. Cloud raised an eyebrow and held out one of the heavy specimen bags. Zack looked up. All the shiny rocks were gone from the cliff.  
  
“Next time you throw all of your Soldiers at the big, bad cliff,” Cloud commented, and Zack cringed at her flat tone, “maybe you should remember which one of us was born in the mountains.”  
  
She tossed the bag at him, and he barely caught it before the precious specimens fell to the ground. The Soldiers stared at Cloud as she strode back to her chocobo, only pausing long enough to get the rest of Zack’s lunch from his saddle. Zack’s chocobos only preened her short hair once as Cloud walked by.  
  
None of the other Soldiers looked at Zack as they returned to their own chocobos. Telling himself he wasn’t doing a Walk of Shame, Zack cleared his throat and jogged back to his own chocobos. Around them, the crickets resumed laughing.  
  
“So,” he tried, “how did you get up there so easily?”  
  
Cloud stared at him. “By not grabbing any poison ivy.” She tapped her heels on the chocobo’s side, and Vali broke into an easy gallop. None of the Soldiers followed, all staring at their hands.  
  
Two days later, Zack’s report read of conspiracies and terrorists attacks. Cloud’s report vanished from the official record. All the involved Soldiers worked to never reveal its contents. The rumors stated they were poisoned, source unknown.  
  
Cloud’s report took a place of honor at Sephiroth’s bedside. He read it after long days dealing with ShinRa idiots.  
  
Six years later, no one in Avalanche understood why Cloud stopped by the base of a particularly treacherous mountain, shook her head, grumbled about idiots, and smiled for the rest of the day.


End file.
